Up until this point, I have pretended/imagined to be in firm control of the play-by-plays in my personal life. When young, I wanted to be the best student in any classroom - I graduated valedictorian of my high school class labeled Most Likely to Succeed based on my peers' opinions. As a young adult, I shifted my major around in college so often that I have quite the well-rounded education! Why? Because I wanted to, and I was in control of even that flighty unorganization. After marrying and having children, I eventually choose to homeschool while my husband worked 70+ hours/week to financially meet our family's needs/wants. Amongst all of these doings, there were certainly aspects that I felt were God's will in my life, so I cannot really take all the credit; but even with God's leading, I was the one who had the final say, by gosh and by golly. ...Not so with this operation I will be having next week.
The doctors say that the solid slow growing mass in half of my thyroid needs to be surgically removed. Their opinion is based on the results of a Fine Needle Aspiration of the 2.1 cm nodule in question. The diagnosis was "suspicious of papillary carcinoma" and while the word 'suspicious' makes me sort of, um, suspicious, I have done my research and have to agree with the docs.
You see, my maternal grandmother had a large goiter removed from her thyroid when she was a young vibrant lady. Fast forward to her 80s and she had developed a massive tumor in her thyroid which made her unable to even swallow. It was inoperable due to her poor health caused by many insufferable years of Alzheimer's. That alone is cause for the doctors to be very concerned about any growing masses in my thyroid. Along with that, around 90% of the women on both sides of my family tree live with #hypothyroidism. I was only recently diagnosed with hypo - only one month ago - just before the fine needle aspiration biopsy (or "bibopsy" as we like to call it around our house - Big Fat Greek Wedding reference ...yeah, we love movies).
I think I should pause for a moment here to kind of explain the thyroid and the process of a diagnosis just a tiny bit to any of you who don't already know. Your thyroid is just below your adam's apple in your neck. It is shaped sort of like a butterfly and is flitting atop your windpipe. If you gently press on that area with your fingers while tilting your head up a bit and swallowing, you can actually feel your thyroid. It's just one little bitty organ but it sure packs a wallop if it's disturbed in any way! It's a hormonal organ that controls mood swings, sensitivity to cold weather, energy level (metabolism), how well you sleep, depression, anxiety, and on and on and on with all the things most people would liken to PMS! Except it's not only at PM time - it's ALL the time. Often enough to make Roseanne Barr's depiction of PMS a cakewalk. Most everyone has nodules (or little bumps) in their thyroid and 98% of people with nodules never have to worry about these cysts. They are extremely common. The other 2% should have them removed due to genetics/family history of thyroid cancer, an unsightly bulge, or a diagnosis of cancer. Just because we could feel the mass on my thyroid did not put me in the 2%, and neither did the history of my Grandma's tumor. That categorization only came after they did the bibopsy ;) ~ After numbing the area on my neck, a doctor stuck a long thin needle into the mass to scrape and suck up (aspirate) some of the contents for pathological viewing. When the pathologist studies the cells on a slide, he then determines if it's benign (good!), malignant (cancerous, ugh!), suspicious for malignancy (cells do not look normal so we conclude they're abnormal), or undeterminable (meaning they should do it again for a clearer view of the cells). It's as simple as that.
I have suspicious cells and we have decided to remove my entire thyroid and not just the massy left half. A total thyroidectomy. Why? Because if only the left side is removed, and the pathology results come back as a definite form of cancer, they would have to operate again - in the same cut and site - to remove the other half. I don't know about you, but I just don't want to take the chance of them having to go into my neck twice within a couple of weeks' time. Makes me shiver just thinking about it. And by taking out only half (hemithyroidectomy), I would still be obliged to take hormone medication for the rest of my life, so let's just yank it all out and not worry about it anymore, alright? Alright.
It's only after my thyroid is removed that the doctors will know for certain IF it is cancer. And I have absolutely no control over that outcome. Still, my faith is strong, and I know that God's got this.
This waiting is the hardest part.
No comments:
Post a Comment