Hi-dee-Ho, Friends!!

Sorry for seemingly dropping of the face of the earth for the last year - This chickee's been quite a busy bird.


I am in school!

You see, I was voted 'Most Likely to Succeed' in high school.  'Most Intelligent'. I was Valedictorian, for Pete's sake. I only tell you that in order to tell you this:  For the past 30 years, I've felt worthless, tired, bogged down, and SAD.

I now know why.


After months of studying studying studying the ins and outs of my new friend Hashimoto, and knowing the 'WHY' of my unexplainable feelings, I decided to actually have a fulfilling LIFE with this illness at my side.

So, a 15 year career is upcoming  ...beginning at the age of 47!  I have almost completed my first year of vascular sonography school and will soon begin my year of echocardiography.  Wish me luck, and

                                                                hear.me.ROAR.

In case you're interested, Cardiac and Vascular Institute of Ultrasound is my new home.

And if you're in a reading sort of mood, take a look at my previous posts. There aren't many; I promise.  And they might just inspire you in some sort of way.  ...Inspire you to better health or inspire you to never read one of my blog posts again.  Either way, give it a try. ;)

She Who Laughs

On Dec 3, three months ago, I weighed 188 pounds.

I couldn't believe it. Well, I could believe it. My husband and I were eating BlueBell on an every-other-day basis and running to San Miguel's for Mexican food every weekend. It was gooo-oood to be back in me ol'Americana where we celebrate the sugar that flows freely & the tortilla chips that are piled high. Plus, I'd put on tons of weight in China (looking back, I know this was an attack of good ol' Hashimoto, making me want to be alone, isolated, in bed, leave me alone, I don't wanna go anywhere, leave me alone, you can't make me, etc - If you know Hash, you get me.)

Anyway, that 188 sent me to the gym. I had no idea I even had a thyroid condition at that point! When I signed up, I told my gym guy that I wanted to lose 30 pounds in three months. He said, "Yeah, you can do that if you're serious about it." I laughed.

She who laughs.

There was no.way.

BUT

I began working out like a big dog & eating clean, and I dropped 16 pounds in my first month and a half!  LIBERATING!  My hypothyroidism diagnosis and thyroid cancer scare came right in the middle of that time - so you'd better believe I was watching what I was shoving in my pie-hole. Um, there were no pies - that's for shizzle!  I am such a firm believer in food being either our medicine (as God intended) or our slow killer (as money-hungry companies intend to make gobs of $ regardless of America's health).

So my surgery time came and I couldn't exercise, but I continued to eat healthy. Well, other than my mom's birthday when we took her to Lambert's Cafe, Home of the Throwed Rolls!  -- full of obese people, by the way. It's interesting to me now, to look at people who frequent certain restaurants and notice their girth. To anyone with discernment, it should be a sort of warning system. Unfortunately, it isn't.  I realize it's 'bad manners' or 'politically incorrrect' to make that sort of conclusion. Guess I'm a horrible person.  I mean, I know we can go places and choose to eat in moderation, but all too often, we don't have the self-control to just say no to the fried foods, the sugary desserts, sugary drinks and sugar-filled alcohol, or even the foods filled with fake sugar that may be as dangerous to our bodies as the real deal.

Woo-wee... I almost jumped up on my soapbox there for a sec!  To be honest, I am one of the people I am talking about, too!!  This is why I have not been eating out or buying processed foods. Sure, our grocery bill is higher than it was before as we are buying tons of organic fruits and vegetables, but we are saving money from not eating out! Plus, my husband and I are getting such huge health benefits because of our choice - We consider it an investment in our future.  In the month of no exercise following my surgery, I lost 3 pounds! And now that I've been back to the gym three times, I've lost 2 more in the past week.

I think I honestly could have lost the thirty pounds as my gym dude claimed had it not been for the unexpected surgery and healing time. As it is, I only lost TWENTY-ONE pounds in three months.  Only!!?!  [Insert happy dance.] No shakes, no diet pills, no gimmicks. Just plain ol' eating healthy/clean and exercise.

My personal healthy weight is between 145 and 150. I am 167.

I will not quit.

My decision to go AutoImmune Paleo combined with the levothyroxine to straighten out my thyroid's issues has helped my body's immune system, and its damning inflammation, get back on track.

I love how God takes us places we don't want to be - in order to show us what we need to do to magnify & glorify His name! To quote Dr Seuss (on this day which happens to be his birthday):  "Oh, the places you'll go...!" 

***Oh, and speaking of birthdays, here's a cute video of my mom catching one of those 'throwed rolls' at Lambert's Cafe on her 68th!  Love you, Mom!***

GMO OMG & AIP ROT

Hello, Kooky Friends! It's been awhile!

I honestly haven't 'felt' like writing about my journey until now. Blame it on the nature of the Hashimoto beast.  But for the last few days, I have been on an upswing and I am LOVING it.

Meeting my endocrinologist last week was such a pleasure - Dr. Mark Reese in Mobile, Alabama. He was patient as he listened to my ramblings, kind as he nodded in agreement with my thoughts, and informative as he took the time to talk to me as if I were a knowledgeable adult ('as if'! Ha!). Seriously, I give him two thumbs up. He even applauded my AIP journey! New to AIP? ~ See this blog for specifics. I also use these print-outs almost daily. I skim all sorts of sites daily and becoming quite a pro. ;)

AutoImmune Paleo = Right on Target

I began the Autoimmune Paleo diet after my diagnosis and I feel incredibly healthy already! Yes, I was still feeling tired and wanted to stay home even with the better foods during the first week or two, but when Doc Reese upped my levothyroxine to 75, I immediately had more energy, the desire to go to the gym, and even got excited about cleaning my house! Talk about a turnaround! I hope it lasts - it's been one week since I began the new dosage and I still feel great.  I went to the gym three days ago for the first time after my surgery and discovered I had lost 3 pounds in the one month of no exercise - just by choosing healthy foods and eliminating the ones that may have been killing my gut. I didn't believe the scale at the doctor's office. I said, "This can't be correct. How could I have lost weight??" So I waited until I went to the gym and *BAZINGA* it was 100% accurate!  :)

I must add that I know my food choices have at least 65% to do with the upswing.  I'm adding virgin, organic coconut oil to my coffee in the morning (after waiting 45 minutes from the time I took my levo with a full glass of water - it's very important to not let the coffee block the absorption of the synthroid).  I believe it's been giving me an energy boost.  I then wait a couple of hours before I eat anything, even before taking vitamins or supplements.  Those who feel like their meds aren't working should definitely give this a try.  For Pete's sake - when you eat right after your pill, your body won't absorb what it needs and of course you won't feel well. Okay, enough of that...

Daily, I drink at least one cup of warm water with Bragg's ACV, honey and a huge lemon wedge. That lemon wedge at the bottom is the best part of the cup. Yummmm and oh so good for us!  Sometimes my lunches or dinners are a simple baked sweet potato.  Or mixed spring greens with EVOO and Bragg's ACV sprinkled atop. I add flaxseed as well, but I think perhaps flaxseed is not on the AIP protocol? Not sure.  Anyway...  lots of meat (deer, chicken, fish, sardines), no eggs, no grains/bread, and no dairy. I admit it's been tough staying away from my grass-fed butter - Kerrygold - I do slip and put a tiny bit on my sweet potato.  I eat lots of celery, lots of blueberries and strawberries, a mandarin a day, and lots of sauteed-in-garlic-and-evoo baby spinach. I have fallen in love with Predominantly Paleo, a blogger who has her share of autoimmunities and posts such wonderful recipes.  She's not strict-strict, and I like that. I want to be her when I grow up.

I add pics of my awesome food choices to my Instagram account if you're interested in taking a looksee. It's not much (yet) but I'm getting there!

More awesome people to follow on FB or blogs or Pinterest is The Paleo Mom  & Autoimmune Paleo. I'm learning so much from their postings and readers' comments. Awesome stuff. Oh! And Hypothyroid Mom is great, too. There are tons out there. My advice is to steer clear of the 'Debby Downer' sites - the ones that seem to depress you even deeper. If it doesn't lift you up, skip it!

As well as eating clean, my husband and I have actually plotted out a garden area for four raised vegetable beds. We plan on buying and growing organic veggies as the thought of GMOs makes me want to vomit. A chicken coop is also in our future! Although I am not eating eggs at the moment (for AIP, it's a no-no at first since they can carry unwanted products through the walls of a leaky gut), I will be adding them later if I can tolerate them - Even if I can't, the bird droppings will be an excellent addition to the garden beds.  Plus, my husband is still eating eggs and fresh yard eggs are divine.  If you're interested, I may post about starting our little homestead.

Oh! Another habit I'm forming is washing my face with natural products (using an organic honey mask or baking soda).  I've been oil pulling for over a year, but now I sometimes brush my teeth with just the coconut oil and a little baking soda. I've also been putting that mixture on as a deodorant instead of the chemical filled store-bought kind. (Not the icky mixture from my mouth, you silly.)  Oh, and be sure to spit that coconut oil into a garbage can; otherwise, it's apt to clog up your drains.  My best find, and one that I've been doing for two years now, is removing my mascara with a finger's dab of evoo and an warm moist cotton ball - this alone has saved me tons of moolah on those special eye makep removers. Give it a try! It's good for wrinkles around the eyes as well. Uh oh. I wonder what types of chems are in my mascara... hmmm... I sense another googling frenzy in my near future!  

Why in the world am I suddenly getting all crunchy?? Well, you get a diagnosis of an illness - one that you believe is rooted in what you choose to eat & the endocrine disturbing chemicals you slather all over your body & the suspicious GMO foods our nation allows us to blindly consume - and maybe you'd get crunchy, too!

Here's a great award winning film by Jeremy Seifert if you haven't already seen it ~ GMO OMG

Genetically Modified Foods = Oh My Gosh

Back to beauty - My hair is SUDDENLY and DRAMATICALLY grey beyond belief because of the thyroid trauma. Instead of getting all down about this, I've decided to embrace it. Who knows? ...My rapidly silvering mane may eventually become my best feature! Until then, cool hats may become my best friends!

                           Later, friends. I'm heading to the gym ~ Yeeehaaaw!

              ~~~~ On Day 10, I began dabbing a little of my coconut oil onto my scar. ~~~~
                                         I'm calling it "My Second Smile" :)

Oh, For Hashimoto's Sake!

Good goobity goo!

"You don't have cancer, but you do have this disease..."

The follow-up appointment with my doctor led to a very interesting turn of events. Seems that the biopsy of the removed left half of my thyroid was full of evidence of Hashimoto's disease! In other words, those cells they removed with the needle aspiration - the ones that were "suspicious for malignancy" - the ones that led me to the surgical removal of the left side of my thyroid - were benign Hurthle cells that were actually a result of Hashimoto's toll on my thyroid. Of course they removed the adenoma when they excised the thyroid's half, but this disease doesn't even begin in the thyroid - the thyroid issues are only symptoms of this autoimmune disease.

Very quickly, what exactly IS Hashimoto's? From what I have learned so far, it's when your body's digestive system doesn't work properly due to a 'leaky gut' (here's where you google). Leaky guts are caused by our horrendous diets of 'whatever-I-want-to-eat-by-God-nobody can-tell-me-what-to-eat-or-not-eat'.  So yeah, I spent 36 years of my life in that mode. The damage is done. So your stomach 'leaks' and then you eat sugars and processed foods full of sugars and just all sorts of unhealthy foods and they make their way through the membrane of your gut and get into your bloodstream. This is not what God intended. So then our bodies see these foreign bodies in places they ought not be and go "Whoa! You're not supposed to be in here!", so they make antibodies to fight the intruders.  Funny thing is, your thyroid cells and the leaked cells look so much alike that the antibodies begin to attack your thyroid. BAZINGA! You have Hashimoto's disease. These attacks on the thyroid can cause goiters to grow. They also make you swing from hypothyroidism to periods of normalcy and sometimes bouts of hyperthyroidism!  Roller coaster ride of mood swings, indeed. --I must put a disclaimer here because nobody knows with complete certainty what causes autoimmunities. Most believe it's hereditary and many believe it's a combo of genetics and icky food choices for years. The combo is what I believe at this moment in my journey.--

Can I take you back in time to 2008 when I couldn't stop crying? It may seem as if I'm changing the subject, but trust me, I'm not. I actually think this stress triggered my first Hash attack (although like most people with Hash, I think I've had it much longer than just in my adulthood). I was going through unexpected and extreme emotional stress and something just sort of switched in my brain. Like a light switch. It was so very distinct and sudden and I thought I was going crazy. Simply looking anyone in the eyes would make the floodgates open. My doctor told me it was anxiety. He gave me a Wellbutrin and Trazodone combination that worked miraculously!  I swear I've built an altar to them. After just a couple of months on them, I told my husband and kids, "When I die, just put those two meds in the casket with me so I'll be alright." ha!  I cared about life, I exercised, I had a good life and made friends.  I've made a few attempts over the years to wean myself off of them when things were going good, but when I did, I turned into a hermit. Total isolation was my miserable comfort. Talking was a waste of time and effort. Just let me sleep. Just let me stay home. Just leave me alone and let me stay in bed.  I would eat and eat and gain weight quickly. I would try so very hard to be 'normal', but it wasn't there. It just wasn't there. When I was off the meds, if I managed to leave the house (which I did NOT want to - my husband would have to berate me into it!), all I wanted was to get home.  And you could just forget about me answering the phone if friends called.  I did.not.want.to.talk.

Even with these negative effects when stopping the Wellbutrin and Traz meds, I decided in Oct 2013 to go cold turkey because my husband and I were talking about adopting from China. China has strict policies regarding anyone who is on antidepressants. But this was a Catch 22 because being off the meds made me NOT want to do anything, much less adopt a child!! But I did stop taking them, and during the next year, I gained a whopping 30 pounds, became anti-social, & was plenty miserable. You see... the Hash wasn't being masked by the feel-good meds anymore! But I kept waking up and faking my way through my days in anticipation of bedtime. Day by day, waiting to go to bed. Forcing smiles and happiness while feeling empty inside. So after a year of this, I got back on my meds to feel normal again.  I had NO idea Hashimoto's was to blame. My doctor did check my thyroid levels, but they were in the normal range, as usual.

My other symptoms of Hash:
Stress, stress, stress.
Hair everywhere!
Night sweats.
The word Fatigue is an understatement.
Sensitivity to cold.
Brain fog. (You'd know it if you have it!)
Today, I am always waiting to feel normal again ...Will it be tomorrow? Tomorrow comes and I think Will it be tomorrow?  ...Tomorrow?   ~~~Just an overall neverending funk.

So.
Hashimoto's.
Are you to blame for my Cuckoo's nest??
Or am I supposed to take Wellbutrin forever because of a serotonin imbalance in my brain? Or does the Hash cause a serotonin imbalance??  Gah! What is it? Which is it??
                                                                 
I have my first visit with an endocrinologist in 11 days. Until then, I will continue to study and learn.  I will continue to exercise (when the doctor allows).  I will continue to eat clean.  (check out the Autoimmune Paleo Diet - I'm on board!)

Most importantly, I will continue to pray.


Oh, here I am with my pretty medical tape choker to cover the surgical smile on my neck.

It's Positively Negative

Here's where I attempt to cram the last three days into this one little blog post.
It won't be difficult --

I went into surgery.
Doc was happy with the nodule's appearance so he only took out the left side.
It was negative for cancer!

How's that for short and sweet? ;)

I now carry a scar on my neck, but I carry it as a reminder of God's never wavering lovingkindness. Do you know what? If it had been positive, I am positive it would still remind me of his lovingkindness.

Do you have scars? Scars on any level?  May they serve to remind you that
you have LEARNED
       and you are ALIVE
               and you have PURPOSE.

Jehovah Shammah

I ate an entire bag of corn chips just now. All seven hundred calories of it. I know you'll laugh and syh (that's 'shake your head' in case you didn't know, smh) when I tell you what type of chips they were, but you have to understand that I've been faithfully eating clean for two whole months. Keeping my serving sizes at a serving size. Exercising diligently. Making my yeses mean yes and my nos mean nos. Nose mean nose. No's mean nos. Whatever - you get my drift.

Yep, two entire months. I've gone down 16 pounds by sticking to my guns. It takes nerve and willpower and determination and a gym and healthy food! They say you can't have too much of a good thing, but even Spinach and Kale corn chips aren't meant to be a source of gluttony.

I am totally aware (after the fact) that when I try to drown my emotions in food, I am relying on the power of a full belly to satisfy me, to placate my soul. But food is not the pacifier that any of us need. Especially when we're on a journey to improve health. I've been eating like a bird, sweating like a pig, and I'm finally beginning to look like a fox - and WHAMMO! - along comes a bag of sea salty corn chips and I eat it in its entirety.   Actually, I sort of snuck-ate them. Oh, you know what 'snuck-ate' means. That's when you carry the bag into the room where your husband is not.  I went into the bed, put the bag on the other side of my body (out of sight) and fiddled on the computer while devouring handfuls of the devil. I mean, the corn chips. They were good, but not that good. It was not worth it. And while I thought I was hiding, God was there. Is there. Always. Jehovah Shammah - The Lord is There.

There is FAR greater satisfaction in the knowledge of God and the experience of His peace which He lays upon us like a warm blanket - a comforter.  A comforter!  ...Oh yeah, I like that. He is my Comforter.  (I write this while lying in my bed under a couple of comforters - make that 3 comforters!)

Today, I had a fine needle aspiration performed on one of the lymph nodes in my neck, near the mass in my thyroid. The ultrasound image showed it to be enlarged, so my surgeon wanted to pull some gunk out of it (another good ol' bibopsy) to make sure it was all clear before he went in.  He wants to have a heads-up in case any lymph nodes need to be removed. For one, I've read that papillary carcinoma often spreads to the surrounding lymph nodes. Secondly, my dad is currently in remission from non Hodgkin's lymphoma, so the familial history warranted him to take a looksee.  I am grateful for my thorough doctor!

I'm even more grateful for Jehovah Rapha - The Lord Who Heals!  & may I be constantly reminded of Jehovah Shalom - The Lord is Peace.  He IS the peace that can never be found in any bag of chips.

Now excuse me while I go make myself throw up.  <--- no, no, no - I'm only joking!! ...because that would mean I have to get out of bed. ;)

Out of Control

When Jack Nicholson's character tries to persuade the strong silent Indian to "put it in the basket", we are all hoping that Chief will eventually understand the command and do as he is instructed, but, as you know, the Indian only watches the circus-like antics that unfold on the basketball court.  This best describes how I feel at this moment.  I am Jack, and this #cancer diagnosis has me jumping on anyone's shoulders and yelling for things to happen as I see fit. Yet all the while, the motions of the players are totally out of my control.

Up until this point, I have pretended/imagined to be in firm control of the play-by-plays in my personal life. When young, I wanted to be the best student in any classroom - I graduated valedictorian of my high school class labeled Most Likely to Succeed based on my peers' opinions.  As a young adult, I shifted my major around in college so often that I have quite the well-rounded education! Why? Because I wanted to, and I was in control of even that flighty unorganization. After marrying and having children, I eventually choose to homeschool while my husband worked 70+ hours/week to financially meet our family's needs/wants. Amongst all of these doings, there were certainly aspects that I felt were God's will in my life, so I cannot really take all the credit; but even with God's leading, I was the one who had the final say, by gosh and by golly.  ...Not so with this operation I will be having next week.

The doctors say that the solid slow growing mass in half of my thyroid needs to be surgically removed.  Their opinion is based on the results of a Fine Needle Aspiration of the 2.1 cm nodule in question.  The diagnosis was "suspicious of papillary carcinoma" and while the word 'suspicious' makes me sort of, um, suspicious, I have done my research and have to agree with the docs.

You see, my maternal grandmother had a large goiter removed from her thyroid when she was a young vibrant lady.  Fast forward to her 80s and she had developed a massive tumor in her thyroid which made her unable to even swallow. It was inoperable due to her poor health caused by many insufferable years of Alzheimer's.  That alone is cause for the doctors to be very concerned about any growing masses in my thyroid. Along with that, around 90% of the women on both sides of my family tree live with #hypothyroidism.  I was only recently diagnosed with hypo - only one month ago - just before the fine needle aspiration biopsy (or "bibopsy" as we like to call it around our house - Big Fat Greek Wedding reference ...yeah, we love movies).

I think I should pause for a moment here to kind of explain the thyroid and the process of a diagnosis just a tiny bit to any of you who don't already know.  Your thyroid is just below your adam's apple in your neck. It is shaped sort of like a butterfly and is flitting atop your windpipe.  If you gently press on that area with your fingers while tilting your head up a bit and swallowing, you can actually feel your thyroid. It's just one little bitty organ but it sure packs a wallop if it's disturbed in any way!  It's a hormonal organ that controls mood swings, sensitivity to cold weather, energy level (metabolism), how well you sleep, depression, anxiety, and on and on and on with all the things most people would liken to PMS! Except it's not only at PM time - it's ALL the time. Often enough to make Roseanne Barr's depiction of PMS a cakewalk. Most everyone has nodules (or little bumps) in their thyroid and 98% of people with nodules never have to worry about these cysts.  They are extremely common.  The other 2% should have them removed due to genetics/family history of thyroid cancer, an unsightly bulge, or a diagnosis of cancer.  Just because we could feel the mass on my thyroid did not put me in the 2%, and neither did the history of my Grandma's tumor. That categorization only came after they did the bibopsy ;)  ~ After numbing the area on my neck, a doctor stuck a long thin needle into the mass to scrape and suck up (aspirate) some of the contents for pathological viewing.  When the pathologist studies the cells on a slide, he then determines if it's benign (good!), malignant (cancerous, ugh!), suspicious for malignancy (cells do not look normal so we conclude they're abnormal), or undeterminable (meaning they should do it again for a clearer view of the cells).  It's as simple as that.

I have suspicious cells and we have decided to remove my entire thyroid and not just the massy left half. A total thyroidectomy. Why? Because if only the left side is removed, and the pathology results come back as a definite form of cancer, they would have to operate again - in the same cut and site - to remove the other half. I don't know about you, but I just don't want to take the chance of them having to go into my neck twice within a couple of weeks' time.  Makes me shiver just thinking about it.  And by taking out only half (hemithyroidectomy), I would still be obliged to take hormone medication for the rest of my life, so let's just yank it all out and not worry about it anymore, alright?  Alright.

It's only after my thyroid is removed that the doctors will know for certain IF it is cancer. And I have absolutely no control over that outcome.  Still, my faith is strong, and I know that God's got this.

This waiting is the hardest part.